Wasted attempt (poem)

I take one step forward and three steps back,

I can't bear the pain this causes me.

I try to speak but you silence me and get angry,

You want me to talk but when I do you get mad.

I'll be talking to a total stranger,

With whitewashed walls pen and paper in hand,

Waiting for talk, but all I want is for this to end!

Needing someone anyone to hold me up,

I stumble and fall... and shut down.

I can't speak and I can't talk...

"I'm fine!" I'll shout but on the inside I bleed.

Cut me open and throw me away,

I'm useless and hated... its what they all say!

Being taunted and humiliated all my life,

Its a wonder I'm here... its a wonder I'm still fighting.

Only friends who care about me keep me in this place,

And a family who would be shamefaced and disgraced if I did it!

To cowardly to do it,

Yet not to cowardly to run I'm breathless and scared...

Alone and yet undone,

Not really here but not so far gone.

Maybe there is hope in saving me,

Or maybe its a wasted attempt!