Have you ever.....

Have you ever heard something that made you cringe and want to deny what you thought could never be true! You want to deny it sooo bad but as you think about the past couple weeks, the attitude, the way they are.... you can't help but remember and realize they could be telling the truth! I'm afraid to admit it but I think Momma was right when she told me about one of my friends... as I look at her I wonder and I see her through new eyes... and honestly it terrifies me!

But so much has been going on its not even funny. My own problems seem so minor compared to what others seem to be facing. I'm being whiny, stupid and childish! For some of you... well all of you don't know this but I've recently taken the cutter's mind... Friday was the hardest day ever when I finally broke down and told Jazz what was really going through my mind. I could see my friends looking at me sooo... so different... the hugs were with extra pressure and I knew they knew something wasn't right with me.

I told Jazz of my plans... everything I kept nothing from her and burst into tears as she said she had no idea what to do if I ever did. I was acting stupid and childish! Why should I have any reason to cut? Yes I've been depressed pretty much since school's started over many things but... I don't... I see the reason and its just an excuse! I'm in pain but that's still no reason! That's not the way and I've been thinking of the face Jazz said when she said, "I wouldn't like it... I'd try to stop you and you know I would! I wouldn't tell anyone... but I would try to help you!"

It broke my heart to see how much she really cared and how angry it made me when I realized how stupid I was being! I think things can only get better now and I remember a quote that's on my myspace, "God will take you through Hell just to get you to Heaven." and I believe that! Hope I didnt freak anyone out, and that was hard to admit! Well anyway lunch is almost ready bye for now.