It's not helping

The music and books arent helping me in any way! I'm not supposed to be thinking that's the whole point but the closer I get to Edward's leaving Bella the giddier I get... as though she could feel the pain I feel and it seems to make me happy! A little weird I know but it feels like no one knows what I'm going through.... sometimes even I dont! Yes the Mask of Darkness is my blogger thing whatever it is... I like it!

In a way it sorta describes me... Oh well.... this is sorta a depressing post. I'm just going to write now a free write. Sorry about the depressing post of this well post! I think the rain has me down.

The rain softly pittered pattered aganist the window pane, it slid down in small little clear drops and I reached out my hand to touch the cool glass. I drew back before it even touched and let the silent tears that had built up flow. There was pain where there should be happiness and anger where there should be love!

I touched the window pane in silence and let the coolness numb my fingers. If only I could feel numb... if only... if only's swirled in my mind and I cried even harder my arms shook and the pain that I felt was even harder to let go of! Where there was pain... there was feeling! I was afraid.... to not feel.