Wrong. I'm depressed and dizzy! In first I have a lot of time on my hands to think. And I have been thinking, I've been thinking about Muffin Man and I've been thinking about something else. I sometimes get depressed for no reason whatsoever... not a reason I can think of that's logical anyway. But I'm depressed again and I know why! And it sucks! And I know Ronnie will probably put some sarcastic remark like, "That's interesting. Sarcasm." Or whatever but right now I could really care less! If I dont write this down i'll explode!!!!!!!! What i hate most is thinking about what could have been and what should of been instead of living in the present!
I'm here, he's here and he's going to die and there's nothing i can do about it! he has a girlfriend so why was it that at the Apple Festival i was on a high of depression and anger! Was it because it seemed like he was flauting her in front of me, because he had messaged me saying he had a girlfriend! i figured out he was a player and it seemed like everyone knew but me! It was like they were waiting for me to realize it or afraid to make me cry again! It was like i was complete... free when i saw him and her together... well cuffed together anyway! but it seems like now i think about it and i'm not supposed to!
I swore i would never shed another tear for him and yet i'm on the verge of tears! Why is it so hard to let go of something you thought was everything you ever wanted? Commitment is hard for me now. i feel like if i ever let another guy in he'll just destory what my friends and i have already repaired! i'm so terrified and Jazz keeps saying that i want him back because i dont think i deserve better! you want the truth here it is! i feel like that! i feel like i have to meet a certain quota! I have to be this height, my boobs have to be huge and yet i have to be super skinny! Its making my go insane!!!!!!!
I feel like i will never meet a guy who likes me for me, and who isnt a player after one thing! so i settle for what i think i deserve and that's crap! I dont know why i feel like that, i really dont. But somehow i can't stop the sadness that envolpes me and holds me tighter squeezing the life out of me till i'm wondering why i even bother with anything!
the truth is, if i'm going to be honest with myself, is that i miss him and i care about him and as much as i wish i were a big part of his life like he was mine i know it wont ever happen again! so why do i even tourtre myself with it? I have no idea, and i'm afraid to sit down and think about it because if i do i'll cry and i wont cry for him not again! I hate for my friends to see me like this, hate for anybody to see like this cause then i feel weak! sorry i just needed to vent really bad... sorta helps but not really. whatever ya know?
Friday, October 3, 2008
So it seems like... all is well right?
Posted by Rosebud at 4:49 PM
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11 Wolves:
aww, well actually for starters, don't say anything mean Ronnie!!!!!!!!!!!
And thats sad, i hope things get better for you! Also you can talk to me about stuff like this. I really dont have many answers to stuff but i will try to be encouraging. I know it must be hard dealing with all this, but you'll make it through. And venting is a good thing. I really hope things get better for you! *gives you a hug and some brownies*
Fair Enough. I won't make the comment I could, because this post was obviously not directed towards me, but rather Jenny and possibly Kaitlin. So yeah, hope you get that worked out.
not really directed to anyone, i just needed to vent really bad, i was keeping it in and starting to get mad and i dont want to blow up on my friends and have them worry about it
and venting is good. and we have you to worry about, cause exploding would not be a good idea, so vent away! :) And i vent too, i just dont put it on my blog, lol
i either vent to people which is exploding on them and shouting out my problems and end up crying, or blogging, writing, or journal it. the computer just happened to be the closest thing at the time
I don't know, a good explosion can be usefull from time to time.
not for me! explosions mean lots of yelling and blamming of stuff you never did and bringing up things from the past to make you feel bad and make me feel better... its not good!
Yes it is. It really depends on the person your yelling at. I, personally, am completely unaffected by Random bursts of emotion. Feel free to scream at me all you want, beat me to a pulp, heck you can even send me a letter bomb if 'll make you feel better-and that goes for all of you. I don't care. Vent. Explosively.
Just don't ask me for sympathy. I'm not very good at sypathizing-I can empathize with the best of 'em, but I can't sympathize. Get Jenny to do that. (UNless you are Jenny, in which case, Jenny go to Kaitlin or Chelsey)
explosions arent good Ronnie.
they really arent! if i get to used to exploding on someone, then i'll do it more often not to just you but to others as well.
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