My toy

Sometimes i feel like throwing a fit! I wish i could just turn back time so that things were how they used to be when Aaron and i were small! when dating wasnt an option we had no idea what it was, we had no money all we had was each other and the back yard as our own little world! We made mud pies and jumped in the sand without a care in the world, we'd race to the trampoline and see who could get on first! He'd taught me how to do flips the right way and not hurt myself and where to stand so i wouldnt flip and fall off on the ground. At night we'd rush in to eat only to run back outside to catch fireflies and rip their butts off and to lift our shirts up and stick them in our bellybuttons while running around and catching more! when that got boring we'd race back inside find a huge container and a lid and catch as many as we could and placing them inside only to have mom or dad come outside asking where the container had gone.

Then they'd give us a glass jar and a papertowl with a rubber band, the holes already in the top so the fireflies could breathe, we'd race around and catch them often releasing them only to catch them again and place them back when they tried to escape! As the night slipped away we had to trudge back in the jar empty and take a bath often together, hey we were small enough that we could! they'd tuck us in our rooms and i'd often get up and sneak to Aaron's explaning that if i slept with him the monsters couldnt get me, he'd hold the cover up as i crawled in beside him scooting close enough that i knew he was there. Sometimes we'd both sneak to mom's and dad's room and we hop up in their bed and fall asleep, then they'd come in and sometimes take us back to our rightful rooms.

i used to copy Aaron and make a line of animals on both sides of my bed, it looked like i was going to sacrifice myself but i calmly explained to my parents that the monster's couldnt get me, that my animals would protect me! Aaron soon got to old for animals and he passed them down to me, making my thousand's of animals mutliply, but there was always one he kept a small panda by the name of Phuolump (i know i didnt spell that right), he kept that panda for the longest time! always giving it to me when his friends came over, telling me that if anyone asked it was mine! not his! got it?! i agreed and as i stared at the raggdy old panda i understood why he loved it so much!

For him that panda was his toy, his safe harbor, like Aaron was for me! Aaron was like a toy that never gets old! You can give it to someone else for a while but yet you yearn for its safety and comfort. When he gave that old panda up i thought i saw him give up a piece of himself along with it! That was when i knew it was his time to grow up, he was no longer a child who made mud pies with me, or jumped on the trampoline with, he got other friends besides me, spent the night with them, leaving me alone as i would crawl off my bed and scamper to his room so i could sleep in his bed with my animals. No longer did the old panda have a place in his heart as he had so long ago, but other things filled that void.

He was no longer the old toy that i held so dear, but he was now a growing boy, getting older each day and leaving me alone with mom as i asked her questions of, "Why doesnt Aaron play with me anymore?" and she'd calmly answer each one truthfully and holding me as i cried. He was no longer my safe harbor that i held onto in not only times of need but in times of encouragement. He grew up and it took me a while to finally realize i also had to grow up, i never put that old toy up on the shelf instead i keep it close to me, always in my heart are the memories i have of a childhood that was so great and full of life. i never put the memories on the shelf instead i kept them and held them dear to my heart as i always have. Aaron is no longer my harbor... he is no longer my favorite toy that i played with everyday who never got old... instead i had to learn that i had to let go, Aaron will always be Aaron. He will always be my big brother and he will always be one of my heros... He will always be my Aaron... and i am glad i can safely say i have a claim on him, because without him i'm sure my life wouldnt be queit so intresting as it is now... and has always been. I'd love to turn back time, i'd love to be a child again with my favorite toy by my side... that way we wouldnt have to grow up.... not just yet anyway.