So...

Well i got a new dress today, i normally dont wear dresses but i totally fell in love with it! so my mom got it for me and i was really excited! so i'm gonna wear it tomrrow to school! its green, and it has cool designs on it! so anyway my week has been really good! Hmm i thought of something while watching Hook today! I have this whole strike, boycott, whatever you wanna call it about Pirates but you'll never guess!

At my church the VBS theme (Vaction Bible School) in case you didnt know, is your right Pirates! acutally its the Veggie Tales Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! My aunt and i are the pirates i'll let you guess whose Bumpo and whose Bones, so it should be really fun! well i'm off to watch Death Note! *fangirl scream*

my totally kool blog!

hahahaha i'm back! i've posted like 10 of these over the past week, hahaha. Ok soooo yeah i'm at fault for deleting Ronnie's blog! he got the code for a layout... and well.... it deleted his blog! I'M SORRY RONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway today is Tues. gasp! i thought today was Mon. but its not!

Want a new background? Here's how!

Hey hey everyone! yes i changed my background and i'm going to tell you how to!

WARNING IT WILL DELETE THE CLASS LIST SO YOU MAY WANT TO WRITE DOWN EVERYONE'S BLOGGER AGAIN, I JUST FOUND IT OUT SO BEWARE YOU WILL LOSE THE CLASS LIST, POLLS, SLIDESHOWS, PLAYLISTS BUT YOU CAN GET THEM BACK!

http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/


click there, before you do that! GET A NEW WINDOW! now are you there? Ok good, now scroll down till you see LAYOUTS there should be ones for 4 diff. sites click on the Blogger Templates its above the Blogger icon! DO NOT CLICK ON THE BLOGGER ICON YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO BLOGGER!


Ok once your there, scroll down till you see all the types of layouts, FYI: Animals, Anime and this (383) means how many layouts there are! ok you there? pick a couple that you like, write down the page # there on, SOME OF THESE TEMPLATES WILL NOT WORK! That's why its very important to pick more than one!


When you find the layout you like there are 3 choices under it, Preveiw, Tweak it! Bookmark, Details and Code. Click on Details and Code. You there?


Ok scroll down and you'll see a bigger picture of the layout under it has instructions on what you need to do! Simply hit Customize, go to layout and Edit HTML. Once you've copied your code then put it in the edit template, if it works it will erase your polls and playlist but dont worry you can put those back up! if it wont work then keeping trying diff. ones you like until it works... enjoy!

Today is just another day

So its about 10:36 and my plan to sleep in until 11:30 -12 has as you can see failed miserably. Aaron went camping last night with some friends and today him his boss, and his wife and Aaron's girlfriend are going out on the lake today. So it'll just be me and mom and my aunt for Memorial day today. We're gonna grill hamburgers.... i wonder if they'll have a King of the Hill marathon today? hmm. Well anyway i'm up to episode 8 i think of Death Note, its gotten really good so far. As you can see i've finally learned how to use that playlist and i've finally put one up!

Nothing really has happened this week, exams are next week not like i'm looking forward to those however i am looking forward to the vaction! I have a lot of stuff to do today, for one i have to finish making Megan's cd, then i have to rip songs on Windows Media Player then i have to burn 2 more cds, where the heck does Death Note fit into all this?! Yes its true i'm hooked already and there's nothing you can do about it, not like i'd expect you to anyway hahaha!

Well i guess that's really it, so i'm off to do something... i think my e-mail's piling up i better go and check it before i forget, then Death Note! ok well have a good Memorial Day everyone! oh yea does anyone know the EOC schedule?

Bored

*Sigh* i have nothing to do!!! and i mean that in the literal sense.... if i tell my mom she'll tell me to go clean my room! why do parents do that? I need to do something!!!! yes the computer is starting to bore me!!! i've played Star Fox Adventures over 10 times at least, Paper Mario well i lost count at 10, Pac Man well... i've played that about 5 times and then Des beat it for me at like 3:00 in the morning at my house. My bro and i had fallen asleep on my bed and she beat it! *sigh* well for you Twilight fans the movie Twilight comes out Dec, 12th and here's the trailer for it! *fangirl scream*

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810010670/trailer

*trying to breathe right* I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok so right now i'm talking to Adam, so i'm off to go and get some music for my ipod bye!

i dont know why but i decided to edit this... i'm currently waiting for Death Note Episode 5 to load... every time i put Death Note i always put an R at the end without meaning to. Soooo i guess as you can tell i didnt get music for my ipod i finally put up a playlist! yay! most of it is Nightwish so let me know what you think and there's other stuff to sooo bye! again!

Break!

yay i like breaks! there awesome!!!! hey gotta question! ummm what's the EOC schedule? cuz i dont wanna go to school and find out i could have slept the day away! I think we get our yearbooks Tuesday... hmmm soooo i dont know this is just a pointless blog... whose ready for Memorial day?! I AM I'M GONNA COOK!!!!!!! soooo... if anyone in my family gets sick... then that was a my bad! ^^ hahahaha i'm off to watch Death Note bye!

Themes

So, i think i'm gonna try and do a themes now.... hmm well see how that works out, as you can tell my theme this time is Music and Writing. I couldnt find a good pic of someone writing so its music... but writing's there in spirit! ^^

Ok so i'm watching this awesomly cool anime! Its called 'Death Note' Thanks once again Des! She's been recomending animes for me to watch since i've been getting quiet bored lately. So after 'Death Note' I'll watch 'Trinity Blood' and then i'll finally finish 'Full Metal Alchemist' then i might try 'Blood +' after, yea they put a plus sign. So i'll have a lot of anime's to watch over the summer, but hopefully i'll be working. i need a job but anyway back to Death Note.

Its about this guy named Light... who would name their kid Light?! *is getting looks* ...... well i would only name a pet that!!!!!!! not a kid!!!!! anyway! he's trying to create this new and good world by killing all these bad people criminals, and so on. But this i can't put the name because its sooooo long! but anyway to sum it up he's the god of death (one of them) sooo anyway he "Accidently" Dropped his Death Note (which looks like a journal) and Light finds it and he reads the instructions! But he doesnt believe it so he tries it for himself and he ends up killing a criminal!

So now he believes and this god of death will be with him, till either the Death Note is filled up or Light dies whichever happens first! But the god of death can only be seen by the person who has the Death Note. sooo yea its really good i'm already on episode 5, well i g2g to church peace out ya'll!

Short Story

I couldn't take it anymore! With all the screaming and yelling I couldn't get anything done! Not that I had been able to for the past week and a half. I turned on a song not caring who it was! To my surprise it was Jordin Sparks and her song Tattoo, I sighed and turned it. OK so I lied I did care what song it was! I turned it to Nightwish the song was one of my favorites, For the heart I once had. That seemed to suit me, I sang along to it and turned up the volume increasing my volume as well.

"For the heart I'll never have For the child forever gone The music flows, because it longs For the heart I once had" My door flung open as I finished the chorus. "Who the heck are you listing to?" My mother called.

I turned the volume down and replied, "Nightwish... why?"

"Well... honey... could you keep it down?" My mother asked. In other words what she was saying was, honey it sucks!

"Whatever!" I left the volume down and went over to my window and sat on the sill, the music had become background music and I let it swirl around me.

I imagined it lifted me up and took me with it on its journey outside, I would catch another tune of a song not only knew but liked to. And then I would follow that tune on its journey, ah to get away from home and to soar with the music let the music flow within my bones and carry me away.

I sighed and began to compose my own song, something along the lines of a Nightwish, Annette and Tarja sorta song, with the drums and guitars and flutes and violins and then Tarja would come in and sing in her opera voice and then Annette would swirl in and sing in her soprano voice then next would be Marco his tenor voice ringing and mixing with each others!

My fantasy was interrupted by my mother telling me once again to turn the music down, i hadn't realized that I had grabbed the remote for the stereo and I was clutching it tightly to my chest with my thumb on the volume, I sighed and turned it down, hopping off the sill I went and started on my math homework. Letting the music guide me as I went.

Broken (short story)

My mind screamed for my body to shut down! But my heart shouted for me to fight! "Fight! Don't you dare give up!!! FIGHT!" my heart screamed with such authority I had no choice but to listen. Two or so weeks had passed and I began to feel in a daze.... there was nothing but sadness lurking around every corner waiting to grab me at the first sign of weakness.... at the first sign that I was truly alone... I was dying for air! Swimming and swimming until I thought I found a way out but my hand touched something cold... my brain recognized it as ice... there was no way out I realized. I released my last source of air and let the bubbles pool around my sinking body as I slowly drifted toward the bottom of the freezing sea... my sadness had finally caught up with me and grabbed me... pulling me under into the depths of the cold icy water.

"It's not so bad..." My mind began to trail off as I began to lie to myself trying anything to make this wave of depression go away! But it wouldn't and I found myself counting the pieces of my heart, there once was a heart... a big heart so full of life and beating so happily... it was soon torn into unrecognizable shreds! Just pieces... so small... so tiny... so fragile... yet each one beat of out of rhythm.

It wasn't long before the wave of depression was so huge I didn't think I could survive! "It's OK... its not so bad." I lied to myself and I began to believe it! But what was so amazing was that such a dysfunctional friendship we call a family band together and became one huge family... looking for the missing pieces and gently sewing them back in place... each leaving their own mark... some weren't in the right spots but the heart began to beat happily once more! With life and love and... and... so much freedom! There was laughter from that heart... laughter... actual real laughter and the family who was so dysfunctional stayed together... when someone has a rough spot or is going through a rough time... our family... our small circle of friends banned together and stitched the heart up... it didn't look brand new like some might instead there were stitch marks and names and faces of who was there... and who would always be there.... there was no more brokenness... instead there was love

So much love... that the heart wasn't broken anymore.

CALLING ALL NERDS!

TO ALL THE NERDS and none nerds READING THIS: IS ANYONE NERDIER THAN RONNIE?! Please someone beat Ronnie and his nerdieness!

My brother

Aaron hasnt been talking to me much lately and it has me worried, more worried than i've ever felt before! i miss hanging out with him and i understand that work has him strained and stressed right now, plus the fact that he's a senior about to graduate and mom's pressuring him about what college he's going to go to has taken its toll on him... poor Aaron. But with all that in mind he has no time to hang with me! But of course he has all the time in the world to play ping-pong with dad, last night i played him a little bit and then i played dad and i watched his face light up as he and dad began to play an acutal game! it seems i'm once again left out of the picture!

Of course me being the little sister would possibly have nothing to do with it right?! well i dont know! Sometimes i feel like an only child i very rarely see Aaron and the times i do, he's to busy for me. i understand he's about to graduate and go to college but wouldnt you want to make the most of the time you have left and spend time with mom and i, and stop running off to your friends and gf?! well ok i guess it would be different if i was the one graduating, with the job, with the bf and wanting to spend time with friends.... but still! i would want to make time with my little sibling and mom and dad and aunt whose pratcially a second mom anyway, before i left for college! tell you the truth i'm not ready for college!

Still its something to think about... but i already know where i'm going! community college something close to home! Aaron's really important to me! he's one of the most important people in my life! i used to look up to him... i still do.... but its getting harder and harder to look up to someone (realistically) you very rarely see. So.... once again i'm left alone.... GAH! i miss him so much! but right now things again have been compelty and utterly strained!!!! i have no one to hang out with and i miss that! those carefree days out on the trampoline, when we went to my aunts and uncles pool (different aunt and uncle) i guess i miss when it used to be just me and Aaron! well... i'm off! bye!

hope this works!

i've only done this once so i'm gonna see if i can post a pic up here! its gonna be one of Vic and the other of Aaron Dismuke! (yes my idols) that is one of my idols Vic Mignogna! And there is Aaron, you can tell whose who i hope the youngest one in the brown shirt is Aaron and the other one is Vic!

My toy

Sometimes i feel like throwing a fit! I wish i could just turn back time so that things were how they used to be when Aaron and i were small! when dating wasnt an option we had no idea what it was, we had no money all we had was each other and the back yard as our own little world! We made mud pies and jumped in the sand without a care in the world, we'd race to the trampoline and see who could get on first! He'd taught me how to do flips the right way and not hurt myself and where to stand so i wouldnt flip and fall off on the ground. At night we'd rush in to eat only to run back outside to catch fireflies and rip their butts off and to lift our shirts up and stick them in our bellybuttons while running around and catching more! when that got boring we'd race back inside find a huge container and a lid and catch as many as we could and placing them inside only to have mom or dad come outside asking where the container had gone.

Then they'd give us a glass jar and a papertowl with a rubber band, the holes already in the top so the fireflies could breathe, we'd race around and catch them often releasing them only to catch them again and place them back when they tried to escape! As the night slipped away we had to trudge back in the jar empty and take a bath often together, hey we were small enough that we could! they'd tuck us in our rooms and i'd often get up and sneak to Aaron's explaning that if i slept with him the monsters couldnt get me, he'd hold the cover up as i crawled in beside him scooting close enough that i knew he was there. Sometimes we'd both sneak to mom's and dad's room and we hop up in their bed and fall asleep, then they'd come in and sometimes take us back to our rightful rooms.

i used to copy Aaron and make a line of animals on both sides of my bed, it looked like i was going to sacrifice myself but i calmly explained to my parents that the monster's couldnt get me, that my animals would protect me! Aaron soon got to old for animals and he passed them down to me, making my thousand's of animals mutliply, but there was always one he kept a small panda by the name of Phuolump (i know i didnt spell that right), he kept that panda for the longest time! always giving it to me when his friends came over, telling me that if anyone asked it was mine! not his! got it?! i agreed and as i stared at the raggdy old panda i understood why he loved it so much!

For him that panda was his toy, his safe harbor, like Aaron was for me! Aaron was like a toy that never gets old! You can give it to someone else for a while but yet you yearn for its safety and comfort. When he gave that old panda up i thought i saw him give up a piece of himself along with it! That was when i knew it was his time to grow up, he was no longer a child who made mud pies with me, or jumped on the trampoline with, he got other friends besides me, spent the night with them, leaving me alone as i would crawl off my bed and scamper to his room so i could sleep in his bed with my animals. No longer did the old panda have a place in his heart as he had so long ago, but other things filled that void.

He was no longer the old toy that i held so dear, but he was now a growing boy, getting older each day and leaving me alone with mom as i asked her questions of, "Why doesnt Aaron play with me anymore?" and she'd calmly answer each one truthfully and holding me as i cried. He was no longer my safe harbor that i held onto in not only times of need but in times of encouragement. He grew up and it took me a while to finally realize i also had to grow up, i never put that old toy up on the shelf instead i keep it close to me, always in my heart are the memories i have of a childhood that was so great and full of life. i never put the memories on the shelf instead i kept them and held them dear to my heart as i always have. Aaron is no longer my harbor... he is no longer my favorite toy that i played with everyday who never got old... instead i had to learn that i had to let go, Aaron will always be Aaron. He will always be my big brother and he will always be one of my heros... He will always be my Aaron... and i am glad i can safely say i have a claim on him, because without him i'm sure my life wouldnt be queit so intresting as it is now... and has always been. I'd love to turn back time, i'd love to be a child again with my favorite toy by my side... that way we wouldnt have to grow up.... not just yet anyway.

Another day at the Smith's house

Soooo i got to see Aaron's gf Kaitie.... well she's very pretty! she seems to be nice! but i dont know that much about her... because well of course Aaron's not going to say that much! Its Aaron after all! oh w8 i forgot you dont know Aaron like i do! Well i'll tell you about him! for as long as i can remember Aaron and i have always had... a.... well...hmmm how can i word this? A different relationship than others might have. He's always been so nice to me and he would do things i'd wanna do and i'd do things he'd wanna do but when it came to his friends i knew that i was going to be left out. I expected it and i didnt let it bother me, as far as Aaron's friends were concerned him and his baby sister dont have the best relationship

But as time passes, which it always does Aaron and i seemed to grow closer, yet we drifted apart every now and then... which we've been doing a lot these days. Aaron works all the time Tues.-Sat. and on Monday's he's usually out with friends, plus he has a gf so i'm left alone to my thoughts. I have mom and she and i quietly worry about his arival as we sit in my room and talk about him while playing a rousing game of Mario Party 7. We take a break from talking about Aaron to yell at each at whose fault it was for letting the other team get the star, what orbs (items) to buy, and whose fault it was that we lost the minigame! But only to finally return back to our topic of my beloved brother and her loving son.

Aaron's always been the type to pick on me, sometimes hitting me a little harder than usual when we play fight. But that's to be expected, sometimes after our Aunt has left (my aunt never married she didnt wanna so she hangs out at the house with us, she's like our second mom) we all sit in a circle and take out the globe (which is like a ballon because you fill it up with air) and pass it around while talking about our week, and how work (for Aaron and mom) has been going and what our friends are up to. The usual, while laughing and throwing the ball and fake passing it to someone and then usually hitting a lamp or two by accident only to have the dogs chasing after it and the bird flying around. But things have been... i guess you could say strained? ever since Katie entered the picture taking my precious time with Aaron away.

But its not that i dont get to see him at school, i do, only once in a rare blue moon i might add! then we always have something to say to each other, usually it goes along the lines of this:
"Hey Aaron!"
"Freak!"
and then him walking away and me smiling knowing that he'll tell me to never speak to him at school again once we get home. (i think its a older sibling thing) But personally i dont mind the insult, at least he knows i'm still here that's what matters to me, and every Christmas we always, always try and do something for one another! last year i got Aaron some of his favorite colgone and a cd by As I Lay Dying! and he got me a Wal-mart gift card. Its been that way for what going on three years mayb? mabye longer when we decided to at least do a little something for one another!

I remember one year as a joke he wrote me a bunch of silly poems and drew a hundered dollar bill and told me not to spend it in one place, meanwhile i had drawn him a picture of a King. So now that Aaron's 18 and i'm 16 we've sorta grown apart over the years, with him going away to college what maybe next year? or this? he's grauduating this year, he's a senior i wont be able to spend any time with him, so it'll just be me, mom and Aunt Kathy. As we all wait for Aaron's arival home... as i patiently wait for him to include me in something or at least giving me a hug before he goes away, if its somewhere far... i'll be waiting for my turn when i finally can spend time with him when i did when i was little and he was teaching me how to play video games, how to work this and do that! I'll be waiting for my brother to return home.

Excitement all around!

Tonight is going to be exciting for all of what 2-3 minutes? Aaron's bringing home his girlfriend Catie... or is it with a K? anyway she's 16 and my age... Aaron doesnt say much about her! Why would he? he's a guy! Anyway she works at Lake Shore Barbque with Aaron, Aaron works in the back and she works up front... so i'm real excited to meet her! There going to watch Titanic, its her favorite movie! So who kidnapped my brother and put a clone who happens to be nice in his place?! Ummmm scary thought! i told my mom when she said that he was gonna do that, that someone must have kidnapped him, either that or he's really the one whose adopted! hmmm well he said around 9ish there coming to the house.... what time is it now? *goes and checks clock* Currently 9:03! gasp! hehehehe, ok anyway sooooo.... they were going to Hickory Dickory Dock to play Laser tag but they decided to wait and get more people... i told mom i'd be happy to go but she asked why Aaron would want to bring his kid sister with him... well his guy friends are hott! sooo ummmm that's why i wanna go!!!!! i could care less if they ignore me! i just wanna see 'em!!!!!! Hahahaha! No i'm not obssesed with boys.......SHUT UP!

Well dad saw her, well from a distance he said she was kinda short... and blonde but he doesnt think she's a natural blonde... i'll give more details when i see her myself.... i'm excited but nervous! i feel as a sister it is my duty to make sure that i like her to! Not only Aaron but hey maybe i can get along with her.... she goes to a different school then NLHS... i cant remember wait i'll ask my mom, ok so she says she goes to East Linclon.... wait i think i hear Aaron's car... hmmmm.... no maybe not! I feel like my mom! I just want.... well i'm his sister his younger sister and all you sisters who have brothers know what its like right? so you know where i'm coming from right? Ok well i have my ipod on now to help calm my nerves i'm listing to Seether ft. Amy Lee the song is Broken! my favy fav song ever! ok... well while i'm thinking about this i have a quick question!

What are the names of the Ninja Turtles and there Master's name? ok well g2g cya later! bye! ^^ updates later!

Guys + Frogs= SQUMISH! Girls + Frogs= BRING IT ON!

You can tell from the title probably what i'm going to be talking about today! Yes you guessed it! In 2nd today, we disected frogs! The guys didnt handle it so well as the girls... some of the guys were squmish! and so were some of the girls! Most of the girls however were, "BRING IT ON! I'M READY TO DISECT SOME FROGS!!!!!" while the guys were quietly writing down all the stuff, as Mrs. Wilkinson explanied it.

Me, Jess, and Amber acutally made ours dance and we made them stick there tounges out at each other to! I worked with a guy... he put the gloves on felt the frog, felt the teeth and they were back off!

Me, i had the gloves on the whole time... snipping away at the skin and tissue searching the organs to see what i could find! All the while holding up George (the frog... yes i named him) and showing my partner where everything was... and lifting up organs to do so! Two girls were freaked out, while half the boys were squimish and trying to get out of it the best they could.

The smell was horrible and only worsened as you dug deeper in the Frogs stomach, juice sputtered out filling the room with its horrible smell! i yelled at my frog, i told him to stop squirting juice at me! it looked like dirty water, i dont remember the name of the stuff they soaked it in but it was nasty smelling!

But it was fun, some of the guys complained they were ready to gag at what they were having to do.

I was stroking the frog and smiling as Jess was giving hers lyposuction! as i later said it was lifesuction.

"I'm hungry!" i cried out as i opened the frogs chest up.

"Your hungry?!" the boy next to my partner cried!

"So am i!" Jess and Amber choursed.

"i think i'm gonna be sick!" yes that was an interesting time but i really was. i mean who cares its a frog!!!! your not going to die! and i hadnt had breakfast... Jess said she'd cook the legs for me and give 'em to me to eat but i explained to her i had 1st lunch and i would be fine until then.

so that was about it as far as it goes! i'm off to take a bath at... 4:10 yes in the afternoon! bye!

Hello

Well today has been very interesting... i miss lunch all the laughter and comedy tht bubbles up in our mind and spews out as the next table over stares at us as though we've gone nuts. Seriously they do... but i also miss First and Second... so much fun Jes say acting crazy and Sunshine asking us constantly why we always have food! DUH WE'RE HUNGRY! HAHAHAHA! i miss Sunshine i was supposed to give him a hug like 2 days ago but i forgets to... Invader Zim was on this morning.

Hmmm, what to write about. i kinda have a story forming in my mind... but i dont know if i should write it... hey! well no... i think i'll write something and whatever comes out, just comes out!

Life stands still it seems sometimes your always stuck in the moment, wishing and wondering when it'll pass. Nothing seems to pass when your sad... well it does but pass slow it really does! Walking the halls you find yourself wondering is it.... is life sometimes even worth it... wars going on, people hating you... there is no love.... it has died.

Sometimes death seems better than living... at least when your dead you have no cares... no worries... But you still wonder would it be worth it... to know the tears you've caused the ones who have cared and still do care about you. Sometimes you sit alone and wonder your heart pounding as your eyes roam over all the things that could hurt you... i suppose that's when cutters come into play... where has my mind gone to? Well... suppose i shall finish it... You hurt so bad and yet you can't feel the pain you've inflicted upon yourself....

i think sometimes we've all thought about it maybe once in passing, your mind roaming over subjects and yet it just strays to there for one second it touches on the subject and you pull your mind back to where its supposed to be... But you've already thought about it just once... in passing... you tuck it away for future study and find yourself at home researching it!

How crazy you've become obssed on the subject! you want to know more and yet... it makes you sad that there is so limited searching! So... like any other thing you think about it long and hard, write notes watch t.v. and think.... just think about it...

sorry i'll see if i can finish it later

blogging for the sake of blogging.... and i DONT KNOW!

My random blog for today focous' not on me but anime! jk! if i did i would be called an anime freak not only in english but in Japanese also! Soooo.... i dont know i watched Full Metal Alchemist yesterday, the first and a little bit of the second... i like that show i've never acutally finished it.... but i wish i had.... there's like 51 episodes... i'm growing quiet tired of my name on here... i think i'll change it again to something else... not sure what though but i'll think of something.

AND FINE I WONT TAKE DOWN THE STUPID NAMELESS STORY! but i doubt i'll be adding to it for the simple fact i have writers block for it and.... other reasons.... *evades the game Halo 3* ha! soooo.... life at my house is.... has gone completly insane! Aaron stayed home as today is Senior skip day... so he told me.

Alas i'm sleepy... ha i bet you dont care... neither to i! sleep diprivation!!!!!!! wohoo!!!! or w00t! i think i like w00t better! Hmmmmmm.......ummmm.....uhhhh.... i dont know really what to write. I want some chocolate... hahaha! well lets see Lunch was very interesting i brought in a bottle of Mountain Dew and we played Spin the Bottle Truth or Die! hahaha yea no Dare it was just Die! you got to pick the way you died! hahaha, I died in a pool of Chocolate! Sara died by something i can't remeber........ Nikki was like shot i think hahaha Megan's answer was intersting but not appropiate for this site..... you dont want to know. i wonder if this'll work if it doesnt i'll take it off.... I ♥ Ninjas! ♥ ♥ so didnt know this would work! yay! I ♥ ALPHONSE ELRIC! † tis a dagger! not a cross i know it looks like a cross but its not trust me! just type in together & dagger ; but accuatly put it together you can do it for hearts to but just add the S so its Hearts, sooo i really have nothing more to say.

hahaha i'm thinking about changing my pic the one of the Elric brother's to something else but i'm not sure what i wanna change it to? any ideas? ok well i'm gonna go to Photobucket and see what i can find...

my wk!

HAS SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS WEEK!!!! GAH! I'M OFF TO WATCH Full Metal Alchemist call me an anime freak and i swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *stomps off*

i've realized something!

i've finally realized no matter how hard i try i'll never be able to write good stories! its so anime! that seems to be on everyones' minds.... i think i might take down the untitled story.... i hate it already! i'm starting to hate all my stories!

i dont want anime.... i want... i want fiction (that means not real right?) i use Japanese names for my stories for the love of Japan.... i even have Japanese songs on my ipod! so now i'm stuck w/ the name anime freak! when i try to be normal it fails! i think i should just stop writing... or at least stop posting and sharing my writing its so... anime! its so..... stupid!

yes i have a love for anime! i think its cool! but some ppl dont! so i'll stop talking about anime for you! i wont change my name or pic... i will later... after i've thought... really thought about this... i have been for a couple weeks maybe that's why i can't sleep very good.... i'm sorry for bugging everyone with my anime stories i'll take down the untitled later on if not today then tomrrow in 4th when we go to the compy lab... after i've had time to think... so... sorry again for bothering ppl with anime i wont do it again.

Not the best week

i've had better! but some good news! In around Oct. 5-7 i think? it is in North Carolina in Charolette! ITS AN ANIME CON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VIC MIGNOGNA IS GONNA BE THERE!!!!!!!!! *fan girl scream* hopefully Aaron Dismuke will be to! sooo i'm real excited bout that its $45 but at the door its $50. i'm like so physced! but i'm gonna have to get a summer job so i can put some money away for it!



But Des is gonna check more into it for us! soo i'm really physched! i've seen the Vic and Aaron panels and there really funny! i'm trying to join the Risemboolrangers website! (its a fansite yes) and they acutally had a dodgeball game aganist the Miniskirt army! (that's Travis' i think that's his name, anyway its his fansite) AT ONE OF THE CONS HOW KOOL?! and the Risemboolrangers won! yay! Oh Travis? (correct me if i'm wrong) plays as Roy Mustang.... Roy Mustang looks hott in a miniskirt, Gluttony is anorexic and Winry can't fix anything! Its' opposite day didnt i tell you? (hehehehe dont ask! you wouldnt understand even if i told you!)



but we are gonna have to get a parent to come with us! it is Charolette and we are 2 16 yr old girls! ok, not good but i'm physced and Des is gonna check more into it! and if Sun. they have a service and Vic leads it, we're so going there! nothing has been made yet! but we are getting details and we will be saving money! and when it gets closer if i'm still working at my job i'll make sure its ok w/ my parents b4 i take a day...well 3 days off!



So i'm excited and i havent been able to breathe right for the rest of the day! hahaha! OMG! I 4got Vic predicted that Ed was 4''11' (one of the fangirls asked his height so Vic said the height he was in High School he remembered that one so that's what he said) anyway! So some girl had like Ed's height in cent. so she calculated that he was really 4"11'!! so crazy! oh wait hold on i'll put up a funny thing that Vic tells happened to Aaron!



http://youtube.com/watch?v=EYEIPlYpp14 here's the Pacing the Booth one, the one w/ the black hair is Travis (Roy) Next is Vic (Ed) and last is Aaron (Al) Aaron is the one talking



http://youtube.com/watch?v=w8Qg8zSoZx0 he gets stuck in the booth! ok i'm done....w8 *fangirl scream* ok i'm done bye! comment if you wish!

music

VIC IS ON MY IPOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! *fangirl scream* ok for those of you who dont know who he is, which is probably all of you anime hatas! hahaha jk but seriously if you've Fma (Full Metal Alchemist) then you'll know who i'm talking about! he plays Edward Elric! or Ed! yay!!! Aaron Dismuke plays as Alphonse.... how do i know this? Destiny!!!! thank you Confuzzy!!!!!!

loner

i feel... i feel alone, i've always felt this way whether the places i'm at or the people who seem to try and act like they care about me. I know, i'm ranting about my life but i need someone.... no not someone.... just... i need confirmation that i'm being heard! i feel like an outsider looking in! i've always been like that.

For most of my life i've tried to keep quiet afraid if i said anything i would be looked at like i have four eyes. yet i dont know why people even bother talking to me and asking what's wrong when there eyes tell me they could care less! i feel alone in two of my classes alienated from the world, i dont feel like i have friends there just people who talk to me and notice me when i'm down.... i dont feel whole in those classes i feel afraid and scared that if my voice is heard they'll turn to stare at me as though i've got three eyes!

and they do, so i try to keep quiet not say anything but sometimes my voice gets the better of me.... people say i'm not who i used to be in middle school i've changed... now to the better or worse i dont know... but somehow i think its both, when i'm with my friends i feel a sense of peace and i feel totally accepted i can say the dumbest things and they dont stare at me like i have four eyes they joke back and pick with me!

I miss that and i feel a sense of longing for it, i feel like if there not right there with me i'll hypervenalte and go into convoulsions.... i hate being alone... it makes me scared and unhappy... sometimes i feel like i'm going to wake from this dream and i'm going to realize i'm a loner and i have no friends, i feel like that a lot... sometimes the lonliness is good but its becoming more of a habit that i shy away from people now even my best friends, i keep my mouth shut more often and a smile planted on my face.... my mask.....

i wake up every morning and realize if i'm having a bad day i'll put my mask on, i've wore it for years and i thought i threw it away when i hit High School but i've kept it, hidden in my mind, my heart waiting to put it back on saying, "I'm fine! Dont worry." And smiling, but on the inside i'm crumbling and waiting for someone to say, "Your lying... what's really going on?" i'm waiting for a savior to grab me and pull me back up and sit me on the ground.... i want someone to cry when i cry, and to tell me its ok even when i dont think i can get through this!

i dont want it sugar coated! i dont want someone to act like they care about me when i know they dont!!!!! i want someone real! i want someone to understand me! but the more people try to do that the more i close up! the more i shy away and act like nothings wrong! i dont want sympathy! i want someone to tell me the truth and help me!!!! i dont want your stupid sympathy and i dont want your stupid, "i'm sorry is there anything i can do?" or "are you ok?" NO I'M NOT OK!!!!!! i'm not!

So they leave me.... leave me to myself when i really want them to follow me! call me out! tell me i'm lying!!! i want someone more than ever to help me break free from myself! to long have i been wearing this mask of smiles and cheerfulness! to long! you want to see the real me?! the real me is afraid of herself! she's afraid that people hate her, she's afraid of yelling and of people looking at her like she's a freak!

I have it good at home i do! but... at school i'm no more than a loner walking by and wearing the mask i thought i threw away.... my friends.... my friends have stuck with me but sometimes i feel like they dont even know the real me.... do they?

i'm not me anymore.... but i wish i was.... i wish i was

anime

hello hi! well i've been getting some responses to my story! so i'm wondering... what's wrong with anime? hmmm? gah i dont think its bad and if you think i'm obssed with it! go to my myspace page and look at my friends for Your Gaurdian Angel (if your acutally going to it heres my url: www.myspace.com/queenrandom) Heather, my friend is a total anime freak! ok! seriously her walls are covered with pics of anime!

she's like an anime guru! hehehe but seriously what's wrong with anime?

i may take the story down for the simple fact i dont want ppl to keep saying its anime and making fun it! no i'm not trying to be mean but i really put a lot of hard work into my stories but to have them shot down hurts me! i'll seriously consider taking it down, if i do dont ask me to put it back up! either i'm revising it to make it sound better or i've discontinued it thank you that is all!