Scars

Trying to disentangle myself i find i'm stuck,
Still wrapped tightly around your finger i'm here for life,
I'm haunted my memories and by shame,
What once made me cry and fear you makes me laugh and happy...

What once hurt me and gave me scars,
Now makes me want to give into you,
What used to make me so ashamed of you,
Now makes me into what you want and have always wanted me to be.

I can't disentangle myself because i'm scared,
Scared of the world and of you,
Scared of falling and not being able to hold my head up high,
What once made me so happy has made me ashamed.

Now all i can do is run and hide,
Because of what you've done i'm so terrified,
Because of the life i'm living i know its a lie,
I wish you would have spared me and left me alone.

But sometimes things dont always work that way,
I wish you would have left me to my weakness,
I wish i could have hid it from you,
I wish... i wish... but what good does that ever do?

With wishing comes the past,
With the past comes all the hurt and pain i've been through,
When my eyes close i can see you,
I can see us happy but what i can't see are my scars.

Because they are hidden,
Hidden under the long sleeves of my shirt,
And hidden in my heart where they will remain,
Sometimes i wonder what life would have been like if you werent there...

Then i remember that it might... just might have been better,
I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and hurt,
But then again i guess that's what you get when you dont read between the lines,
Even though i should have saw i didnt.

Sometimes it hurts a lot,
Sometimes i barely remember you,
But on nights like tonight your memory is clear in my mind,
Under the warm spray i can still see you fresh in my head.

And as the tears threaten to spill,
I remember i am stronger than that,
But sometimes i lose all control and just let the tears flow,
Then i remember i'm not as strong as i thought i was.

Strength and Courage i have that,
But when it comes to you,
I lose all control and let you do whatever it is you want to do,
I can't stand up to you...

I can't stand up to anyone if i can't first start off with you,
But i guess that won't ever change since i'm so used to you taking over,
Maybe one day i'll learn and maybe i won't,
But all i know is when i remember you my scars reach out to touch you...