New story!

ok i will try and type that up.... either later tonight the first chapter or Sunday! Aaron's wanting me to play video games with him and mom so i'll try to do that in my spare time and i'll give ya more info once everything is posted k? alright peace!

Sorry!

I havent been on here! I've been sooo busy! I have to go finish my Ailled Health 1 homework i just wanted ya'll to know i havent forgotten ya'll and i'll try to post something more meaningful either tonight or Friday! I'm sorry again i've just been way to busy plus... ok well that's the best i can do ok well i'm sorry and here's something at least for ya'll to read and also i think i'm gonna post another story on my Guardian Angel! here's and exert and you tell me if you want it posted so ya'll can read it or not! Ok?!


"Oh nothing!" Felix stopped laughing, jumped up and went to his room. Abel growled something incoherent and stalked back to his room... but when he opened the door he realized it was the room Emilen was in. He walked over to her bedside and watched the sleeping figure. He reached his hand out, if only to brush a stray lock of hair away but his hand rested on her forehead and he was with her in her dreams.

Emilen walked forward, she knew someone was with her but she couldn't turn and look, all she could do was continue to walk on. "Dad!" She called not knowing why, but she knew she should call again. "Daddy!"

A short man with salt and pepper hair and tanned skin seemed to appear from thin air, he had green eyes and wore a blue shirt and black slacks. "Emmy!" He cried opening his arms wide for Emilen. She ran to him and Abel growled this pleasent reunion was about to turn into a nightmare.

He wanted to run and help her but since he had intruded her dreams he wasn't allowed to which really sucked. He knew he couldn't call to her because he had no voice.

Her father's arms wrapped around her. Soon they became crushing, restricting her from escaping, and his face... he was changing! His face, his body and everything about him was changing, she pushed aganist his chest trying to escape but knowing she couldn't. "Let me go!" She cried struggling for all she was worth.

Abel's hands shot out but his lips were pressed together in a hard line and he tried to help but couldn't. He watched as tears streamed down her cheeks, he watched as she begged for him to let her go. "Time to go." A voice whispered in his mind. "Time to come back." It whispered gently pulling him away.

School tomorrow?! Can't be!!!!!

Insanity i say!!!!!! Ok i was listening to Supper Massive Black Hole now its Nothing I Won't Give. I had to look which is sad because a really hot guy sings it! Ok i'm done.... ima miss everyone if we dont have classes together! Jenny hope we have lunch! Ronnie.... ok i doubt you'll be takin Geometry with Mrs. Thompson! I just realized something with the help of Jenny! I'm taking of Freshman class! Geomerty! I thought you took that your Junior year!!!!!!! I'm so stupid!!!!!!!!!!! *cries, then bangs head on desk* Bless The Child! w00t! Ok i'm gone to wallow in misery at being the only Junior probably in Geometry!

Drama sucks!

I'll be one of the ones to admit it! But when you have someone stab you in the back that's not nothin to play with! Every time i turn around somebody in our group is stabin somebody else in the back! Somebody's whisperin somethin stupid because they hate them! I'm gettin tired of everyone acting like little kids! I seriously hope i dont have half the people in my lunch i had this semster! Morgan, Raven, Jenny, Clarissa, and Amber are fine! But the group i sat with 'cept for Jess are ahhhhh they piss me off! i feel like i can't trust any of them!

Will it even matter?

I've been depressed lately, whether its the fact that i sprained my ankle which is purple around the edge of my foot by the way, or that's its been creeping up on me and has just now decided to hit me with the force of its blow! I don't know, but anyway as you can see I've changed my background once again! It reflects what I'm feeling right about now, and this time not about guys but about... ok yeah well some about guys! But I'm tired of being dumped on! And I'm tired of people saying there my friends and then stabbing me in the back! But as usual i take it with a smile and a thank you like i do everything else!

I don't know i think I'm about spent on being depressed but i just can't help it! Anyway i had fun at the dance... I had my friends with me! Mostly hung out with Megan and Morgan! There was a lot of grinding goin on and not the good kind! And lap dances and well... yeah making out lets just say if there was pot goin around it'd be a real club! Seriously this is high school! You come to to a dance to dance! Not hump each other! Do that at home in your spare time cause no one wants to see it!!!!

Ugh, i was able to walk on my leg a lot better after dancing, and i could run a little bit! But still it's just soo annoying when people come to a dance to give there boy/girl/date a lap dance! or just to make out! Oh my gosh stay home and do that!!!!!!! I did however learn to roll my hips and shake my booty more! But the downside was when i woke up this morning... my calves were in pain, and ankle still hurts but not so bad and i have a question! I know I've been going to this school for 3 years but remind me again, we go to homeroom tomorrow right? And then get our new schedules right? Cause i done lost mine!

Anyway so much has just been going on, i think i learned something last night! You don't always know who your friends are until you stop, sit down and think about all you've been through together. I can say Jazz hasn't always been with me through the really bad times but Raven has, Jenny is and i think we're just to hardheaded to leave when we say leave which is good because i wouldn't trade those 2 for the world! They've helped me a lot whether they realize it or not, there curious because there curious but will stay out of your business and not push your buttons, they'll let you take it out on something while standing close enough to not get hit, or yelled at but close enough to stop something if it turns into a fight.

There just there for me and i try my best to be there for them! If there's one thing i want my friends to know its this: If you need me I'll drop what I'm doing just to be with you, i wont say anything if you don't want me to, I'll listen and I'll just be there!

I don't know what really to say else expect for this, I'm going to kill Jenny's internet! For some reason it hates her... and i don't know why! *grabs arsenal* i'll be back later! Ok so now Blogger's tryin to tell me how to spell internet! It wants me to spell it and ok like this Internet and OK! Well ya know what piss off on you Blogger ahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Venting!

It's on days like this i miss you the most,
But when i truly think about life,
I realize its sometimes good to be without,
Yet i can't help wondering what your doing now.

Sometimes i get aggravated,
Sometimes i get sad,
But most of all i wonder who would care if i wasn't here,
We each have our lives and sometimes i wish mine wouldnt count.

Because of all the screwed up things i've done,
But as i sit down and think,
I remember a lot,
Sometimes being without is just about as good as it gets.

Ooook no idea where that came from but i'm tired, and sad because i dont think i'll be able to go to the dance tomorrow and well i feel sad for other reasons. It seems like all of my friends are out having a good time with each other while i'm stuck in the house bored, and aggravated because i keep hurting myself, with walls, and tripping and all that good stuff. Ugh, right now sometimes i wish i were someone different, someone whose more fun and actually takes chances! Something i'm not so accustomed to doing! But i realize i have a good home life and i wouldnt trade for anything in the world but still imiss my car! I could actually go out and do stuff now i can't *sigh* sorry whatever, just venting!

Dancing with a sprain!

Ugh ok soooo i found out texting, while walking the dog can earn you a sprained ankle! the dance is tomorrow! ugh strapin on my shoes, and goin to walk around the house or something!

Just not so sure

I'm just not so sure as i used to be about my future... do you ever get that way? I mean i used to be so sure of what i was going to do now I'm getting funny feelings and I'm confused. Frankly i hate that, i spend more of my time in my room writing and thinking. I know that's not bad but still i used to be so sure of my course in life and now i don't know anymore and it pisses me off to no end!

Then just recently i did something pretty stupid, no i didn't cut my arm something else. Now I'm not so sure of my course anymore because of it. I guess i could start blaming myself again for being an idiot and bringing up a subject that should always be closed, and never reopened because it brings disaster to whom ever it touches! I'm so glad tomorrow is my last exam because i don't think i can take school much longer, well the first semester anyway! I just need to be alone for a while and even then that's not helping my problem.

I wish i could tell someone everything about this. Some random stranger that will just listen, well not really a stranger but someone who wont judge me who'll just shut up and listen, preferably a guy because i need some guy input on some of this. *sigh* Its just hard to deal with sometimes, but I'm getting better at it and I'm not as depressed as i once was when it happened which is good, it means something.

But the scars on my arm remind otherwise which in turn opens up the topic to talk about once more, and its in plain view so i can always see it forever and always, so i can explain to my friends what really happened to my arm instead of i just fell. Or a bike accident, well the ones i trust most anyway. Sometimes i think i really do need to be committed to a mental hospital i mean seriously! who does that?! grrr ahhhh! Ugh ok whatever i just need to get over it right? I just need to not think about it! But with three scars sittin on my there on my arm, one more pinker than the others, geez its not hard to see!

Ok soooo I'm totally insane! Maybe i should be committed, to..... where ever there's a good mental hospital. But i can't blame anyone but myself......... actually i could blame one other person! ahhh no must not open up the subject grrr! Once again my fault and I've been singing while venting so if you can't understand it well to bad!

Don't have to think to hard...

I'm sure most of us can get depressed really easy if we're not already there. And most of us could probably think of our theme song for out life at the current moment. I can think of mine which is strange because i usually have a hard time thinking of something. Anyway this is a really weird post.... but oh well today i'm sorta depressed but i'm not sure why.

Well i kinda do but its kinda stupid. Sorry i dont mean to be depressive on you guys! i'm just not really in the best of moods and i have a lot on my mind and nothing is about school thank goodness most of it is about something else.

Everyone....

Everyone has different view of the real world,
But what about hers,
She wants to make it... but doesn't think she can,
With kind words and a loving heart she doesn't think she deserves this.

I know she has dreams,
She holds onto them tightly,
Scared and afraid to show them,
Scared someone will trample them.

She thinks she's a horrible person,
But most of us know she's not,
She seems to look down on herself,
But most of us try to pull her up.

She takes two steps forward,
And ten steps back,
She's afraid of what life holds for her,
So she runs and hides herself.

She waits till the crowd is gone,
To sit down and cry,
But most of us can see through her mask,
But most of us don't even try to help.

She always insist on saying sorry,
For things she's not done wrong,
She apologizes for lying and not telling everything,
When some people like to keep to themselves.

She keeps saying she's a horrible person,
When most of us know she's not,
But even though we try to convince her,
She just shakes her head.

Everyone has different views of the world,
But what about hers,
She wants to make it.... but doesn't think she can,
With kind words and a loving heart she doesn't think she deserves this.

But the ones privileged to know her,
Know she's more than that,
We see the inside instead of always looking on the out,
It seemed she never grew up... and she doesn't think she'll make it.

But what most of us can see is that she will,
We won't ever let her fall,
We'll catch her if she does,
Because that's what we're here for.

She has wings to fly but we can see there broken,
Maybe she got to close to the sun we'll never know,
But for now we're mending them,
So she can fly... fly to her dreams.

One day her wings will be whole,
She'll leave the nest with a fresh new start,
We'll always be here waiting on the lines for when she needs us the most,
We'll be here because as everyone knows we're here with kind words and whatever she needs.

Everyone has a different view of the world,
It doesn't mean your right,
It doesn't mean your wrong,
It just means you have to hold onto what you know.

This poem is by: Stray (Chelsey)
Dedicated to: Jenny

Black Cat

Ronnie i have something for you! it deals with mobsters and assassins!

http://www.dubhappy.com/black-cat-episode-1-english-dubbed/

its really good i promise! i'm not done with the first episode but from what i've read so far its mostly about mobsters and stuff and i know you're into it! so watch it! haha! ^^

Scars

Trying to disentangle myself i find i'm stuck,
Still wrapped tightly around your finger i'm here for life,
I'm haunted my memories and by shame,
What once made me cry and fear you makes me laugh and happy...

What once hurt me and gave me scars,
Now makes me want to give into you,
What used to make me so ashamed of you,
Now makes me into what you want and have always wanted me to be.

I can't disentangle myself because i'm scared,
Scared of the world and of you,
Scared of falling and not being able to hold my head up high,
What once made me so happy has made me ashamed.

Now all i can do is run and hide,
Because of what you've done i'm so terrified,
Because of the life i'm living i know its a lie,
I wish you would have spared me and left me alone.

But sometimes things dont always work that way,
I wish you would have left me to my weakness,
I wish i could have hid it from you,
I wish... i wish... but what good does that ever do?

With wishing comes the past,
With the past comes all the hurt and pain i've been through,
When my eyes close i can see you,
I can see us happy but what i can't see are my scars.

Because they are hidden,
Hidden under the long sleeves of my shirt,
And hidden in my heart where they will remain,
Sometimes i wonder what life would have been like if you werent there...

Then i remember that it might... just might have been better,
I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and hurt,
But then again i guess that's what you get when you dont read between the lines,
Even though i should have saw i didnt.

Sometimes it hurts a lot,
Sometimes i barely remember you,
But on nights like tonight your memory is clear in my mind,
Under the warm spray i can still see you fresh in my head.

And as the tears threaten to spill,
I remember i am stronger than that,
But sometimes i lose all control and just let the tears flow,
Then i remember i'm not as strong as i thought i was.

Strength and Courage i have that,
But when it comes to you,
I lose all control and let you do whatever it is you want to do,
I can't stand up to you...

I can't stand up to anyone if i can't first start off with you,
But i guess that won't ever change since i'm so used to you taking over,
Maybe one day i'll learn and maybe i won't,
But all i know is when i remember you my scars reach out to touch you...

Time?! What where is it?!

I seriously have no time! I'm tired and frustrated! Ahhh we had Physical Science reveiw today..... and the test is Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!! HOW SMART IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to be stuck in that class forever afterwards with no one to talk to, but just a book to read! Ugh. i wish i could just skip 4th reveiw but i cant! Its an EOC class and i have to get that grade that they have to turn in!!!!!! ugh i'm sooo tired i think i'm gonna go do something........ i'm not sure what yet but it'll be somethin.

Is today....

Piss me off day?! honestly! Neil acts sooo different around Amber but when its just us he has no problem actin like a dooky hole! hahaha! ahhhhhhhh he's soooooo annoying today was the last day i had to officially hear his voice! Except for when Reveiw and Test rolls around but that hopefully wont be so bad! If i have him in one of my classes.... well if you dont see me for a couple weeks you know why!!!!!!!! But today i had reveiw session.... we didnt do anything! Honestly we just talked the whole time.

I'm so tired, well Kathy came back from the hospital today! oh yeah i didnt tell ya'll did i?! Ok well she had thyroid surgery! They were checkin her neck out and saw 2 lumps on both her thyroids and they were bigger than they should be so she got some of it removed, it came back Bengin (harmless) in case ya'll dont know but the doc sent it off just to make sure.

Right now she's layin on the couch and she's not supposed to talk... that's going to be hard for her! since our family is reallllllllllllllly talkitve! and Jenny! BRING MONEY FOR WINTER DANCE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!! Hopefully caps will help and later on tonight i'll sign onto MSN and remind you again k?! and come to my locker with me tomorrow if you do stay after! so we can get our tickets or we can do it Friday its up to you, ok well i'm off i'm hungry! peace in the east!

Doin what you say

Soooo today was good for me! I stood up to Neil even though i was shaking so bad i couldn't stop, the look on his face seemed to tell me that he wasnt used to girls standing up to him! Well, ya know what he needs to get that stick outta his butt and stop actin all holier than thou! i mean honestly but whatever i was proud of myself and i had Raven and Sara behind me....... Sara was doin the bunny ears and Raven was fightin her to get her to stop and then Megan showed up! And she was pissed!

She told him off and told him to turn around and walk off and much to my surprise he did! Amber's pissed at him and that's his girlfriend. She told him that if he touched me she'd rip his..... man booby off like she did her brothers! Am I allowed to say his nipple? oh well i just did! ^^ i guess i can! Hahaha its no longer a school thing but my own so i can! ahahaha! ok anyway whatever but it was nice to have friends support me! And then lets see i got into a good 10 minute debate with Blade in first about Nightwish, what we liked, which singer is better and so on.

Um 2nd i found out i'm smarter than Raven in History! Her grade stayed 89 all 2 semesters! mine was 90 to 90.5 which he rounded to a 91! Haha but isnt that weird? How can you stay the same all 2 semesters? But i was close to her! But Mr. M said if i got an A on the exams then i'd probably pass the class with an A! How cool is that?! Me pass History with an A!!!!!!! I can see it now! Ok what i'd really like to see is a B for 1st! That'd be pimpin!

I found out i have to take every exam but one! All of mine are required but one! How uncool! I think i've given up on some things..... and i'm not sure if that's right or wrong. But how can you tell when you need to give up on something? I mean i've been there for so long and i just can't do it anymore its going to happen no matter what and i have my own life to live.... maybe its best i do give up. *Sigh* oh well i just know that things have become strained with me and Jazz ok well i'm off see ya later!

Coming out!

I'm no longer the shy little chick that people run over..... i'm the shy little chick who fights back be warned! I stick up for myself now........ that is all! ^^

Today!

Was the most worst day! Neil was there and he threatend me because i slapped him! You never grab a woman in a place that you shouldnt grab in public! He was like, "I dont care if your a girl or guy i will hit you!" He touches me or threatens me again! ima get onto him Monday! He better not lay a hand on me! If he even tries to you know that'll look real bad and go over great with the Officer Baily! I aint afraid of him! I call him, him now because he's pissin me off! I never liked him, wonder how that'd go over with the army! Or Air force! Anyway today has just been bad so i'm taking my anger out on this blog and just a lot of crap and dont say drama because right now i'm on the verge of tears and anything will just about make me cry right now! so just dont ok?! to late i'm crying! whatever who cares right?

For all the guys who are reading this!

Never threaten a woman! ever! and dont ever grab her somewhere you shouldn't grab in public!!!!!!! Also never threated a woman whose in a bad mood things will happen!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mostly directed to him! Blade you should know who i'm talkin about 1st per. Tom Hanks! you know!

Drabbles prt. 15: Lincolns + Trucks = Disaster! =S

Sooooooo......... today was interesting and right now my computer isnt showing pictures.... i think it hates me! *sigh* anyway today we had a wreck. Some guy wasnt paying attention and hit us.... yes for those of you wondering i screamed! Scared the bejeebies outta me! Anyway we're ok and when i text Aaron he got all official on us! And was asking us if we're ok and all that i was like wow! haha but we're ok.

Drabbles part 15 is off consoling her mother!

Insanity

I have some type of thing due in U.S. History... and its due before 1st semester ends... i really dont feel like doing it. But i know i have to... if i get really bored tonight i'll do it but chances are i'll do it tomorrow. I'm sorta ready to go back to school then again i'm not because i'm scared that i'm going to fall asleep in 1st with all the all nighters i've had just about. Yesterday dad and i got bored so we drove just to drive! and we ended up going to Best Buy which yours truly suggested! Yeah i know me acutally wanting to go there! But i wanted to see if they had this new cd i wanted but i'm not going to say the name until i get one of their cds and see if i like it first. But i did however get a new Nightwish cd i dont have! that makes 3! Dark Passion Play, Once, and Century Child! Which are all really good! Now i just need the other 2! One of my friends said they have like 5 so anyway i'm off to go play video games (i've been doing that most of break) peace out!

Out with the Old, in with the New!

ok well i had a good New Year's day! and Eve, Jazz spent the night so i didnt blog because we were to busy torturing Aaron and Katie with Metro Station which i learned has a lot about sex and its sooo true! Read some of the lyrics! We looked at prom dresses in those prom dresses books that keep coming to me in the mail (how they got my adress is a mystery to me!), we watched House Bunny 'cause we rented it and then with mom and Aunt Kathy we watched, The Bucket List! If you havent seen it its really good!!! Sad but good, we played Uno Flash (yes all before midnight to! and we started at like 6!) and then we gathered 2 minutes before the ball dropped in the living room to get our sparkling cider (yes that's what i call it!). Course when the ball dropped we wished everyone a Happy New Year and hoped this one is going to be a better one!

School starts back the 5th and which means earlier bed times according to mom. She made me go to bed at 11 and crawled into Aaron's bed with the dogs, because Aaron is at dad's and this mornin he's going to Jame's house to work on his car. Ugh, men and cars something i'll never understand. I'm flippin tired as all because Rosie came up to me and licked me in the face, she had to go potty and you can't get back to sleep unless you take her out because she will woller all over you and lick you, until you get up! if that dont work she'll just pee on the bed!

Ok so um now that its a New Year arent we supposed to have a New Year Resolution? My mom's and mine's have always been lose some weight but that requires money and that's not something we have a lot of... sooo my New Year's Resolution is going to be.... Pass Physical Science! Ok so obviously short term as exams are in a few weeks but hey it works for me! Ok i'm off to go... i dont know i guess eat or sleep not sure peace out!