Whatever's going on in my mind

Whatever's going on in my mind is still a mystery to me! I've been going on... well sorta of a writing beigne! Where i just cant stop writing, poems, exerts, about my day! Anything to keep my hands swiftly moving over the keyboard to the filmiar keys being punched down helps me concentrate. Music is swirling around in my head, and my bottle of sundrop is almost gone. All i want to do is describe things, the keys sounds helps clear whatever is distracting my thoughts.

I sometimes go on writing beinges where i write and write until the end of the day and then i just plop down in bed and i can't write anything for days for the fact there is nothing else to write. i've wrote 2 poems, 2 exerts, and about my day all on myspace i have been a busy body!

My mind however continues to wonder about Stray, what's going to happen... Why did i do what i did? Oh well... i'll get to that whenever comes time for now i must say farewell as i'm tired and i'm going to go lie down for a moment... clear my head and possibly fall asleep.

Little Black Dress Approved

I wore a black dress today hoping the rain wouldn't drown my happy mood, black for a good mood who ever heard of such? I went to school and saw Jess she saw me and immediately turned her head away, back to me, then away again all the while a goofy grin plastered on her lips. "What? You dont like it?" I asked as i came closer.

"I dont like dresses!" She complained. I sighed and asked her if she was going to come get a drink with me. She did, as we were coming back i sat down as best i knew how and draped my lepoard print hoodie on my legs so i could stretch them out and plus my legs were cold. Wyatt came next, as he came closer i reached my arms out to hug him he had this strange look on his face.

"Who died?" He asked.

"No one died!" I squeaked getting up so i could punch him in the arm. The doors opened and Jess and i left Matt and Wyatt to their conversation as we headed to our lockers. Next came the cafeteria, we sat down and started to talk all the while people coming in, Rachel sat beside me and didnt say anything the dress for which i was happy about. I think my dress had suffered enough of the death talk it was getting.

Jazz came in then with Amber beside her, i hopped up and ran over to her, "Do you like my dress?!" I shouted.

"Yeah... but who died?" She asked turning from giggly to confused in a matter of seconds.

"No one died!" I stated rolling my eyes and heading back to my seat. I sat down flustered and then Josh Woods came in. "Does it look like someone died when i wear this dress?" I asked him.

"No." He kept it short and simple.

"I just meant that you never wear all black!" Jazz amended.

Jazz and i were lost in our own conversation when the subject got turned to the circle we had made, that we in truth were all wearing something black! All black or something that was black. We stayed on that for a while until Jess mentioned something about Woods having X- Ray vision which freaked Jazz out more than it should, so she grabbed my hoodie and held it to her chest with her arms crossed. That led to bra colors.... dont ask!

All in all everyone finally forgot my little black dress, and i was glad!

Call me an idiot, make me feel better, rub it in i dont care!

My feet are soaking wet!!!! I'm tired i tripped and dropped my lunch, i left my lights on my car and the battery's dead! One of my friends thank goodness dropped me off at my mom's and now i'm waiting for Dad to pick me up and help me jump off the car. Officer Bailey, tried helping me. I'm gone for now.

What possesed her to ask

Whatever possesed Mom to ask me the question she did still makes me think. She and i and my aunt were walking the dogs around the road, all was quiet until she turned to me and asked, "Its hard for you to make friends isnt it?" i was so stunned by the question.
Mom had never asked me this before, had never inquired my shyness to be of a problem.

"Well... yeah kinda." I admitted stopping when Ace stopped.

"Why is that?" She asked in all seriousness. Again i was shocked, why was she asking me this? She knew i was a very shy person, but she never said really anything about it. Nothing to make me question just what she was getting at anyway.

"Um i dont know, i just dont like to talk to people i dont know." I finally said feeling the tug of the leash. We started walking again and i stared at Rosie as she began digging into the ground pulling Kathy along with her. I thought about when i was smaller, i didnt care if you knew me or not i would always stop and tell you my name and ask for yours in return.
Starting around 4th grade i became unbearbly shy.

"You know, when i was in High School i was shy to, i didnt hardly talk to anybody. I didnt have many friends either. But when i graduated i guess i grew out of that and i began to talk to more and more people." She said.

'People that you dont even know. Mom you and Kathy are the most social butterflies in this house!' I thought. Her hope was for me to probably grow out of my shyness, and be more of a social butterfly. Honestly i want to break my out my shyness, i can barely talk to new people without my nervous laugh and my ability to talk faster than normal comes in! I gasp for breath and blush crimson. I'm incapitated by my own fear of talking to people i dont know.

I have never really once thought about my shyness as a weakness... but i sometimes think about how people see me as. Usually i feel they see me as some stuck up prud! To good to talk to anybody but her friends, in all fairness that's not true. I'm not stuck up, and i'm not trying to be rude to anyone. Its just i'm afraid to talk to people i dont know, its hard for me and it leaves me breathless.

I spurt apologies that usually start or end every sentence and most people just give up and or get annoyed! What i've learned from all this is to mostly keep to myself, not talk to anyone really but my friends. Hopefully i can break the habit of apologizing when i dont need to, nervous laughs that go with crimson red cheeks and not being so breathless after the conversation is finally over. Hopefully my heart wont pound so bad, my breath wont be caught... hopefully that'll be soon.

I was talking to Jazz one day, and we were talking about death and she said for her funeral she wanted the song, 'Leave out all the rest' By: Linkin Park to be played. Honestly now so do i.

Sorry for my unexcused absense i've been gone to my dad's and Friday i spent the night at Jazz's one last time before school. A lot has been going on that if i told you all of it you would question my sanity more than it should be questioned! I went and got my parking permit 262 although why people would want to park in the middle of the parking lot is a mystery to me! We heged Saturday, and killed a wasps nest. Ummm well i really dont know what to tell you.

This whole has sorta flashed in a blur, i got my car back today. It was leaking oil so bad we had to get it fixed. Honestly i dont know what to tell you, i'm just ready for school to start again. Sorry Ronnie i wasnt here for D&D. Ok i'm off to go to Myspace and do some things there, bye for now.

Sorry so very sorry!

i'm sorry the reason i havent been on here is because i've been at my dad's except for Wed. when i spent the night at Jazz's! i'm soooo sorry!

School is about to start.....

School's about to start for Aaron, he goes the 20th. I'm not sure if i should be all giddy inside and happy, or if i should just start crying now! He'll be getting up around the same time as me, but the fact that we'll have homework, he has a job, and a girlfriend means he'll have no time for me. I guess the separation process from one of my best friends begins now! Or Wednesday, whatever day... or maybe the process began the first time Aaron and Katie started to go out. Either way i miss him already even though he's in the living room right now, on the couch. He's still my brother and best friend, even at 18 he still wanted to hang out with me. i should have taken advantage of the opportunity whenever it presented itself but i didn't. Now that he has a girlfriend, well things have changed and he's starting college to!

No more him driving me to school, when we were at dad's. At my mom's my mom took me, his first class was School of Tech. I always said bye whenever i retrieved my stuff and was about to shut the door. He never said bye back but oh well. Ya know i never really thought the day would come when Aaron would stop hanging out with me, i always sorta thought we'd be friends... even if we're brother and sister he's one of the best friends i'll ever have. He's never really helped through problems or anything but he makes me happy still, just wantin to hang out with me, pickin with me i'm really gonna miss it. I'm gonna miss our little trio, me, mom and Aaron gettin together and clamoring in my room and playing video games.

Oh well, i guess as you get older you have to leave things behind.... i wish he wouldnt leave me behind. All he does anymore is hang out with Katie, if not that then they text the hound out of each other! I swear no one texts their girlfriend/boyfriend than Aaron! i'm serious its terrible! Honestly i wonder what they talk about, if i knew i could get his phone without him ever knowing and read their messages you know i would!! I would not hesistate... i'm surprised mom hasnt asked me to do it! I'm serious every time Aaron gets a new girlfriend or whatever she'll look at me and go, "Go stick your ear to the door and see what their talking about!" i'm like her little spy.

She used to give me something to go take to Aaron to see if we could hear anything important, like she'd give me a pair of his pants and tell me to take it to him and take my time leaving. Of course he'd usually wait till i was gone to answer or say anything or he'd tell me to hurry up and leave. I rememeber once i was on the phone and Aaron rushed into my room with Sock em Boppers and attacked me! it was horrible i was screaming into the phone and running down the hall with him chasing me! But i must admit it was pretty fun! 10:04 Katie must be home because Aaron just left for his room, usually that means he's either going to call her, or charge his phone and continue texting her.... i'm not even dating the girl and i know their schedule!

Heck far that's pretty bad! Well i went to Jazz's to spend the night Saturday, talk about bad storm! oh my gosh it was terrible! lighting like crazy, the power finally went off and it hit something so it stayed off for a good while! so we had mine and Heather's phone as light as i followed Jazz down the hall and into the kitchen where her step dad lit us a candle to use. Before the power went out, Heather had just come out of the bathroom and Jazz came back from the kitchen and told us to come down the hall with her. Well Heather was just returning to Breaking Dawn, she got up and i followed behind her.

Her step dad Steve jumped out from the wall in a werewolf mask mind you and scared the crap out of us! i was screaming and Heather jumped back. Once we got back in the room Jazz said, "Sorry guys he put me up to that!" "I almost slapped him!" Heather admitted. "Oh my gosh! Jazz when you go to sleep i'm going to kill you!" i stated.

With the power out Brandon (Jazz's brother) opened the door and stood there talking to us for a little i invited the 13 year old to join us for a little while, Jazz who had just turned 16 finally ushered him out saying it was bed time. She closed the door, it was hot and stuffy the bed under the bed she pulled out kept falling so she laid it on the floor and let Heather sleep on it, Jazz and i slept head to toe. When i woke up which was around 8:30 i saw Heather reading, "Heather your reading?" i asked.

"Yeah she is! I woke up and she was reading, i woke back up and hour later she was still reading!" Jazz stated appalled.

"Well read an hour sleep an hour i guess." i replied. Heather kept right on reading. Well i guess that's how my week was, bye for now! and little note i left my other binder the one that has the done parts of my story at my dad's so i wont be finishing chapter 4 yet maybe Friday! sorry guys! Well.... hold on! i have it in parts i'll put up the first part now and then finish the second part whenever k?

Ronnie this is what i mean!

ok see the two blades, well take those away and put skulls connected together at the head, i couldnt find a pic of what i wanted so this will have to do! you have a vivid imagination!

I'm back!

ok well i'm back.... again i think... not really since what little sanity i've had to begin with has completely been obliterated! Right now i'm typing this post out and answering messages on myspace. but by the time you read this, i'll probably either be in bed trying to sleep, or on phonezoo sending pics to my phone. Right now i'm listing to Charlie the Unicorn and for those of you who've never seen it here's the link! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus i love this..... its so random!

Ok so, nothing really has been going on. Went to Concord and got candy!!!!!!! On Monday and this Saturday i'm going back to Jazz's for her b-day. I spent the night at her house like Friday and Saturday we were watching Cinderlla 3 and we were talking about how we were going to sue Walt Disney for false hope! and we had it all planned out to, but we'd never do it we were just bored and needed something to do! Oh my gosh the weirdest thing just happened! ok i was on myspace and i went really quick back over to here and at the top they have these little advertisments (on myspace) and i thought it said, 'Take the Sanity test' but it didnt it was, 'How Goth are you?' anyway i have chapter 4 done i just have to type it up!

sorry i'm to lazy to, and besides it just been really hecktic for me, but i'll type up a little maybe tonight... well there's really nothing more to say. ok well i'm off bye!

Schedule

Ok i have my schedule but first before i put that up i acutally did something yesterday that i will blog about mwhahaha! and second who the hecks gonna follow the new dress code anyway? No ones ever followed it now, so why would they start? Ok before that turns into my rant of the morning i'm just going to bite my tounge and move on! I spent the night at Jazz's friday, her brother Brandon had his friend spend the night to.... it was interesting. But we picked on them and they picked on us, resolting in me hugging Brandon because he hates it!

But Saturday we went to Andy's (Andrea) and helped her celebrate her 17th birthday! Jess even told her she was going to smash cake in her face and she did to! it was so funny! then Andy took the bowl full of cake and smashed it in Ally's face! and then they chased us but didnt get any of us! it was pretty funny, Jess and i watched as everyone else filed down the hill for volley ball we just started to swing again. It was fun, we roasted wenies (hot dogs!), smores, caught up on old times, talked about what our class schedule might be, and walked in the woods.

Well we walked the 4- wheeler trail Jess and i did to try and find Andy, Ally and Chris! i dont normally like the woods but it was light outside but it was getting darker by the minute! ok well here's my schedule!

Physical Science - Perderson, Alex (Whose that?)
US History - Mowry, Don ( i heard he was really cool)
English III - Payseur, Sarah (Anyone have her?)
Biomed Tech - Eurey, Krista (She's awesome!)

Parent/Child development - Johnston, Leigh (Who?)
Geomerty - Thomson, Karen (I think Jazz had her anyone else had her? or have her?)
Survey of the Bible - Pressley, Laura (anyone take that? Know who the teacher is?)
Alied Health I - Eurey, Krista (have her again!)

Ok there's my schedule!

ugh! its a book people!

i'm very angry right now! Geez people reveiw this book like it acutally happened! (Breaking Dawn) i look at a book and go, "oh its a book wonder if its any good!" not, "WHAT WAS SHE THINKING WHEN THIS HAPPENED?!" ummm ok who cares? its a stinking book!

I dont look for a message in a book or a movie like some people do, its something that's going to entertain me for the next couple days or an hour or so! i'm pissed at the reveiws! geez that book was amazing and people oohhh dont get me started!!!!!!!

sorry! i do love you guys!

i dont want you guys to think i've forgotten about you! i havent i've been reading Breaking Dawn i finished it yesterday it would have took me 3 days if it werent for the fact on the 3rd day i went to Jess' then i went to my mom's and i didnt have my book so it took 5 days! grrr, anyway ima let Jazz borrow it whenever i see her! but i cried when i was reading it! i felt so pathetic! but i couldnt help it!

Ok so lets see hmmm.... i dont know! but i'm done with chapter 4 i just have to type it up and i'm back on working chapter 5! so sorry i will hopefully post it up today or one day i promise i will! ok well i just wanted to let you guys know i havent forgotten you! i was just waiting for something to come to me so i could write!

Last night was weird... i didnt dream but... i wasnt all there either. I was half sleeping and my subconcious produced me a buddy... rather a name! But i didnt know what the name was... it was weird because with my ipod on one earbud in one ear the other ear resting aganist the pillow and on leg up to my chest i was comfertable! My other leg was pointed down on the bed, the music was soft and nice as the name ran wanting me to follow.

I did, and then the music flared getting louder and i was so startled my leg shook me awake! i gasped, what the heck?! my heart was pounding in my chest making me wonder... i thought about 2 people and my heart slowed well it couldnt be them because if it was my heart would be pounding like it was.

the song ended and another one started soft at first letting me get halfway asleep before the name returened, cat and mouse began again! I chased after it again trying to find out who it was... and the music flared and i was startled awake again. i decided to think about it this time! so when i was halfaway asleep a person's name on my mind... the name didnt come.
Again the flare of the music startled me so bad i woke back up and thought about nothing be calming myself! when i did fall halfway again the name returned and the game began once more! after a while of being woken up i decided to just think about names and sleep! i had, had only 4 hours of sleep the previous night and when i thought about the person all i saw was someone in black cloak hood up!

It was a beautiful name... if only someone would tell me! i would know because i know my heart would pound really fast! This is totally true and it was weird but it has me sidetracked and distracted... the name was beautiful... and it was a good name... but i dont know who it was! I want to know... i want to, but i dont know i'm sorta hoping i'll see the name... and then again i'm sorta hoping i wont... it scares me to no end! but the hooded figure he looked so menacing and so scary but something told me he wasnt going to hurt me, he just wants me to figure out who he is... i wonder why.

This just in!

A squrriel was fried by being on a telephone line and shut off all the power in my mom's work..... hahahahaha! i'm dead serious my mom just text me that! crazy squirrels!

to early!

ok its like 10 something, its to early for me! i got up around 9:30 cause Rosie and Ace were all over me, took them out and stayed up and got on here. Now i'm tired and there asleep! oh yeah Ronnie i was looking through my Photobucket pics and i saw this and i thought of you..... you like calling people noobs and you like dragons! ^^ hahaha i thought it was cute to! well nothing has really happened yet unless you count the fact i've started the text war with my mom.

Whenever she goes back to work the first day i usually stay at her house with her, so whenever i get up i text her unless she's already text me and in a matter of hours my phone goes from completly charged and empty of texts to me cleaning it out every 5 minutes and having to tell her i have to go charge my phone!

Lets see.... hmm.... TOMORROW BREAKING DAWN COMES OUT!!!!!!! *fangirl scream* i'm so excited!!!!!!! i forgot all about that until just now ahhhhhh!!!!! woohooo! ok well i'm off bye!