I am confused

I used to think about one person in pitcular all day long, nothing ever stopped my thoughts from roaming thousands of miles away from NC all the way to SC. My mind never stopped the memories from coming to me and as usual I welcomed them as I became more involved with my ex once again. We began speaking to each other till I finally began to wonder why we broke up in the first place... that was my fault. My friends were always by my side, and when I told them they were estatic but that soon grew old and they began to tell me how they really felt. Much to my surprise I didnt stop their rantings I let it continue. "If he hurts you again I swear I'll go down there and kill him!" Amber hissed to me at Bio reveiws.

Still I couldnt stop the forming plan in my mind, as it grew and grew... without even realizing it my mind had been veiled from me and was forming a plan I had no idea about. I didnt let that stop me, I continued on my way... but it soon revealed itself to me, I had to get over him. How we be together with him in SC and me in NC? I would have to go to college to see him and besides my parents didnt aprove of him when I was dating him.... that's when I knew why I was thinking about Right and Wrong and where my loyalites lie.

'It is... ok to be sad... it's alright.' Something in my mind told me, I wasnt sad... but I wasnt exactly estatic either. Suppose my insainty was taking over? Or was my mind trying to reboot itself and forget the pain? Suppose I could live without him and find someone I truly care about? Not that I didnt care about him I did, but not in the way I used to... when it was just us... in our own world. That world I dont think could ever exsist again... when I found it, it was in ruins I was trying to pick up the pieces rebuild it when I realized you can't rebuild something that doesnt need to be rebuilt... my mind must have come up with that on its own while I was busy thinking about Right and Wrong. 'You do not wish to cry this time?' My mind wandered... I lifted my hand up to my cheek... it was dry... so I could get through this? I would be ok?

My heart racing a million miles an hour finally began to slow down, I was ok... and I would always be ok... it just took some time before I realized that I could live without him and that I needed to not only let him go but... release myself and let that part of me that wanted to stay behind do as it wished... suppose it came to its senses and followed me home? Would I cry again, or could I be happy? I am confused... so much to think about yet so little time....