Sermon

My day started off good now its just sorta went downhill from there. I went from being up beat to just plain out depressed again. I know i shouldnt be mad at him for dying like Jazz said he didnt exactly sign up for it but i still miss him terribly. There were things in Aaron (not my bro the other one) that he did that made me think of him. The way he laughed for one and picked with me i mean it just reminded me of him so bad! And i liked feeling like i had a part of my old love back i mean it was nice but things cant last forever.

Everyone says and i do believe this that things happen for a reason. God does things to show us things and by him dying i wonder what he was trying to show me! That i shouldnt talk to him, that he wasnt right for me? I want to know but i guess i wont find out, maybe it was just his time to go. I've been listening to Pieces, Already Over, and Shadows by Red so maybe this is what has me down even though i doubt it.

Normally i feel so full of life, its only when i'm alone do i feel like this. I dont really think i wanna go eat lunch anymore or 3rd because whenever i have a bad day Josh and Rachel dont really make it any better and sometimes i just wanna be alone. Maybe one day i'll get the courage to tell people i'd rather be alone for a day to just think. To just let everything settle and these feelings to pass. Its not like i have to have someone with me everywhere i go and hold my hand because i have a problem! I suppose that's where my independence of my feelings comes in.

I'd rather deal with it alone, i'd rather sort it out alone! I dont like having help from people showing me how i feel and what else i discover about myself because it never equals to my expections and it never equals the worlds i shouldnt worry about what the world thinks! God should always matter he should always come first in not only my life but in everyone else's as well. I'm not shoving anything down ya'lls throat so dont lie and say i am!

I went to revival last week and it was amazing, he stepped on all our toes with his sermon but it was what i needed. I dont feel like i'm glorifying God in some things that i do, my youth teacher this morning told us that when God gives us a gift that we're supposed to use it for his Kingdom, i think my gift would be caring for others but i'm never sure if i'm using it for the Kingdom of God. I dont know if and how to do that i guess is what i'm trying to say. In church i dont really understand what Pastor J (or as i say PJ) talks about.

But at revival it was everything i needed to hear and he was fun and he was good! But with PJ its just sorta.... eh ok yeah. I'm not sure how to witness either i'm always afraid i'll be made of and i dont know what to say, i try to help my friends by giving them Godly advice. I mean because everyone's like "Ok ima just go out and have sex with this guy whose had sex with 4 other girls" yeah ew! Your basically having sex with all the people he's slept with!

And dont lie to yourselves and say he dont have an STD when he might! If he says he dont, please dont be stupid and take his word! I wouldn't trust a man if he ever said that to me, i'd punch him for even asking me to have sex with him, or like some guys and expect me to! If i'm married to ya sure if i'm not dont expect anything from me cause its a definite no! Ok well i'm done with my sermon!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWQa5_6djQg Red - Pieces (its a really good song if you wanna go check it out!)