Right now i feel like crap! i'm depressed and i'm angry and i'm sad! I look at my life and stand in judgement of myself! I dont feel like i'm going to Heaven anymore i feel like i'm going to Hell i look at my life and realize how many times i've really hurt God, i ask for forgiveness and i do it again! My mom once wrote in my journal to me that she saw a good Christian Girl.... you'd never see it in the way i act! instead of seeing a good christian girl i see a girl whose confused about her life!! Who thinks up is down who acts totally different with friends then at home! Someone who looks in the mirror and judges herself on how she looks!
I think Summer Vaction has offically gotten to me! i have to much time to think and then when i am thinking i think about things that should not be going through my mind! i have conflicts aganist myself emotionally and mentally ones fighting for God the other is fighting to get away! to see the world and leave God out which is not how its supposed to be! and its confusing me to no end!
I feel like i can't talk to anybody because if i do they'll dismiss it or they'll judge me to! i'm afraid to talk to my best friend about my problems now! she talks a lot about guys which helps me get my mind on the right track and not think about my problems but when i try and talk about my problems i freeze and change it to something else, right now i'm scared because i dont feel like God is never going to forgive me! And i know i wouldnt i've changed and i think its been for the bad maybe some for the good but i feel like i'm leaving God behind! i've put him in the backseat, and then i've taken the wheel with my friend by my side reading the directions the music blaring! and God trying to get my attention... http://youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA that video sorta shows how i feel right now add and take away a few things but this describes pretty much perfectly except the end part. for once in my life i dont know what's going on and it scares me and i'm confused... i dont know what to do anymore.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
No idea
Posted by Rosebud at 1:08 PM
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4 Wolves:
ok, your attempting to deal with stuff that's not a problem. Has your Church planted these thoughts into your head? It's interesting, but the stand my Church takes is thtat there's no wrong way to be a christian, and there right...It's not exactly something that you can screw up. Not even you. (that was a joke.)
Oh, Gambini's up.
no, i've sorta just been really stressed lately and i try to just tuck away my problems in the back of mind until it becomes bigger and then i have to deal with it! i just dont like talking about what goes on in my life, i'd just rather skip it and go onto something different. My church is great but i'm tired of feeling like i'm not good enough! i dont know why i feel like that i suppose Satan is getting to me again but i just feel really sad and i can't explain why.
Satan is dead. I killed him. Besdies you can't not be good enough. I don't think I understood oyur problem.
i didnt understand it! i sometimes get like that for no reason whatsoever and i can't help it! dont ask i dont understand it either
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